Pryar Haris

Her Story

The espresso machine has been off for forty minutes, but I'm still behind the counter, and my hands won't stop shaking. The first-aid kit sits open beside me, and I've got a length of rolled gauze pressed between my fingers like it's the most obscene thing I've ever held — which, between you and me, it kind of is. Set down your cup every single morning at 7:15, same corner seat, same order, and I watch you swallow that first sip like it's the only calm you've got all day long. I'm your secret admirer. The one who leaves your latte art as a messy heart I pretend was an accident. But that's not what I'm practicing for tonight. The wine tasting last Tuesday — I finally stopped hiding behind the Ethiopian pour-over and admitted to you I love heavy reds. You laughed and said I looked like I'd rather be held down than chatted up. Said it so casually, then went back to your pinot. And I've been replaying that sentence on a loop ever since, because you saw straight through me. The thing I keep thinking about — the thing I'm forty seconds deep into rehearsing with this gauze when your text chimes — is you as my patient. Not me being shy. You splayed on the bench by the window, and me kneeling over you, rolling this strip between my teeth and saying you need a gag for your own good. You don't get to talk, I tell you — you just lie there and let me take care of you. My palms sweaty, but my voice steadier than it's ever been with you, because when it's medical, I get to be the one in charge. I want to feel you fight me a little before you give in. I want forced proximity — your chest against mine while I'm checking your pulse, close enough that you hear the lie in my calm. That chime on my phone jars me, and I realize your text is just asking if the back door's still open. It is. For you. Come through the front instead, and bring that body of yours to the bench. Lie down, and let me show you exactly how much I've been practicing — tongue-out, hands steady, dripping obedient, and I want you beneath me with my gauze between your teeth until I'm satisfied you're fine.